I've made it one year, well on Tuesday, but still! How weird right?! I can't believe it. Anyways, I'm just sending this email to family because well, it's more personal. So I think President has already talked to mom and dad, but I'm 99.5% sure I'm coming home this week. I don't know when, technically President hasn't talked to me, but Hermana Dayton has. She's talked to me about what the doctors have said and how I need to get home to a specialist, they don't trust the doctors here in Spain. So I am currently waiting for a phone call from President...which should be coming in anytime now....I'm not impatient or anything haha I'm freaking out, but I know it will be for the best. I know God has a plan, and so I'm just going to have faith in that plan.
I'm so nervous to go home. I'm worried that people are going to judge me. I know it doesn't matter what other people think, only what God thinks. But it still scares me. I'm worried I'll be lost. I've seen SO many RMs come home from missions and just get depressed because they don't know who they are if they're not a missionary. But I've made goals and plans to not let that happen, but it still scares me. It makes me sad to go home knowing I should still have 6 months. It's sad to know my Spanish won't be as good as it would've of been (especially because I've been in the office not in the streets), I'm sad because the missionary dream of having everyone at the airport waiting for you won't happen, I had the perfect image of all my siblings and nieces and nephews waiting for me, and that won't happen. I feel like I'm failing if we're being honest. I've had great advice and loving words from many people, and for the most part, I'm still happy, I know things will work out, but it's still hard.
In our zone enfoque the people who go home always say what the lord has taught them, the zone leaders asked me privately if I wanted to, I was very touched that they thought to ask me, but refused, mostly out of embarrassment, how could I go up there with those 5 other hermanas when I didn't finish my mission? But I have learned so much. I remember before my mission I didn't want to go on my mission with this knee problem I remember saying to you all so many times "I don't want to go just to be sent home" but can I tell you what? I'm so glad I did. I have learned so much, and I am forever indebted to the lord. It's funny how we go on a mission and say it's a "sacrifice". That is the farthest thing from the true. I have only gained on my mission. Yeah it's hard to be away from family, yet I feel more love for you all and closer to you through this time I've been gone, I've learned to appreciate what a blessing you are, and especially to be sealed to you forever! For everything that would be a sacrifice I've gained 10 fold. I now know for certain that I can never repay the Lord. Because every time we try, He just blesses us more! He is so kind and perfect! There are so many things I've learned, and I know I'll share more with you later, but I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for this opportunity I've had. Who knows if I'll be able to come back and finish or not, but either way I will forever be grateful to my Heavenly Father for first of all, planting the DESIRE to serve in my heart, and second of all, for letting me, even as imperfect as I am, help serve and help his children.
I love you all, I'm excited to see you face to face or at least talk to you soon. Thank you for your emails and support, you have all individually helped me during a hard time on my mission by the things you have said to me.
Hermana Ruth Terrazas ️
Well, I'll be home on Friday. President just got off the phone with the man who schedules my tickets and I'm leaving Barcelona late Friday morning. Which means I should get in sometime in the afternoon. We've been staying at the Mission Home since Friday, it's fun. Weird that President has seen me in my pajamas and working out, I don't think most missionaries can say that, but that's okay. It has been really nice to spend this time with them.
Hermana Reid leaves Wednesday morning...so until Friday I guess I'm in a tripanionship with President and Hermana Dayton? Haha weird....
I honestly don't have much to say, I'm excited to see you all....but it is so hard to leave. I feel like I'm really good at not thinking about it until I email and then I freak out. But that's okay. I hope I'll get to see you all soon sometime...and if not there's always Skype! But that's just quite not the same.
I love you all!