As of today my papers are officially in. Oh. My. Goodness. Excited is an understatement, I am overjoyed to be going on a mission. I'm not going to lie, it's been a really
- Babies. (Sarah's child that is in her belly and if anyone else gets pregnant while I'm gone). This one hit me hard-- to not even MEET my niece/nephews for a year and a half that's a long time to miss out on.
- Simply being able to spend time/call my siblings/parents whenver I wanted/needed to. I rely on my family so much and the strength, love, and support I have always received from them. Not being able to communicate regularly will be difficult.
- Marriages-- don't get me wrong I would be
so happyecstatic if any of you got married while I was gone! But it would also be extremely hard to not be able to be there with you. {I was already promised to be a cardboard cutout for picture ;) that eased my worries a little} - Being away from school-- I came home to prepare for my mission and while I am so happy to be at home I miss school, roommates, friends, and my sisters up there. It is hard to see everyone up there having a blast making memories and not be there.
- Relationships-- this one is interesting. I know I need to serve a mission and I want to serve one but in the back of my mind there is this little corner of worry that maybe I'm missing out on a relationship that could be a future husband, but then the smarter part of my brain knows that I don't need to worry about this and it will all work out after I serve a mission.
That's my list, it's not very long but everything on there is extremely important to me, I knowt things will be different when I come home I've learned to accept that people will be married/have babies and many other things I probably wouldn't even think would happen, will, but that's life. As I've talked to people/prayed about my worries I've come to one conclusion:
I'm going on a mission, the Lord will bless me so all these "worries" [if they do happen] won't matter. The Lord will give us nothing we can't handle. So why would this promise not be the same for missionaries with these worries? I know that going on a mission is the right thing for me so these worries will all be okay. Yes, it might still be hard but life is hard. If I chose to stay home I would still face hard things, so why not face them while doing the Lords work?
One night I was having a rather hard time, I was thinking of every possible thing to worry/doubt and having a panic attack. I sat down and decided to make my doubts real. I wanted to make them real so that I could find a way to start doubting my doubts instead of my faith. So I wrote them down I decided to say a prayer, write them down, and have faith that the Lord would ease my mind or answer my doubts. Wow was I amazed. As I went to write them down all those worries that I wrote above vanished, to the point where I didn't even think they were a big enough deal to write down. All I could think of were two doubts {only two} out of everything racing through my mind that night (and the past couple weeks) it came down to two.
Before I could even finish writing down my first doubt the answer to take that doubt away came to me. And same with the second. I wrote them down in my journal so if I ever doubted again I could look back and either add to that list, or see that whenever I have doubt the Lord will give me peace.
So, if you are ever feeling doubt, worry, or anything unsettling: pray. I promise that the Lord will give you rest, he will ease your mind and take away your doubts.
