Thursday, February 11, 2016

I'm Coming Home

I've made it one year, well on Tuesday, but still! How weird right?! I
can't believe it.

Anyways, I'm just sending this email to family because well, it's more
personal. So I think President has already talked to mom and dad, but
I'm 99.5% sure I'm coming home this week. I don't know when,
technically President hasn't talked to me, but Hermana Dayton has.
She's talked to me about what the doctors have said and how I need to
get home to a specialist, they don't trust the doctors here in Spain.
So I am currently waiting for a phone call from President...which
should be coming in anytime now....I'm not impatient or anything haha
I'm freaking out, but I know it will be for the best. I know God has a
plan, and so I'm just going to have faith in that plan. 

 I'm so nervous to go home. I'm worried that people are going to judge
me. I know it doesn't matter what other people think, only what God
thinks. But it still scares me. I'm worried I'll be lost. I've seen SO
many RMs come home from missions and just get depressed because they
don't know who they are if they're not a missionary. But I've made
goals and plans to not let that happen, but it still scares me. It
makes me sad to go home knowing I should still have 6 months. It's sad
to know my Spanish won't be as good as it would've of been (especially
because I've been in the office not in the streets), I'm sad because
the missionary dream of having everyone at the airport waiting for you
won't happen, I had the perfect image of all my siblings and nieces
and nephews waiting for me, and that won't happen. I feel like I'm
failing if we're being honest. I've had great advice and loving words
from many people, and for the most part, I'm still happy, I know
things will work out, but it's still hard. 

 In our zone enfoque the people who go home always say what the lord
has taught them, the zone leaders asked me privately if I wanted to, I
was very touched that they thought to ask me, but refused, mostly out
of embarrassment, how could I go up there with those 5 other hermanas
when I didn't finish my mission? But I have learned so much. I
remember before my mission I didn't want to go on my mission with this
knee problem I remember saying to you all so many times "I don't want
to go just to be sent home" but can I tell you what? I'm so glad I
did. I have learned so much, and I am forever indebted to the lord.
It's funny how we go on a mission and say it's a "sacrifice". That is
the farthest thing from the true. I have only gained on my mission.
Yeah it's hard to be away from family, yet I feel more love for you
all and closer to you through this time I've been gone, I've learned
to appreciate what a blessing you are, and especially to be sealed to
you forever! For everything that would be a sacrifice I've gained 10
fold. I now know for certain that I can never repay the Lord. Because
every time we try, He just blesses us more! He is so kind and perfect!
There are so many things I've learned, and I know I'll share more with
you later, but I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for
this opportunity I've had. Who knows if I'll be able to come back and
finish or not, but either way I will forever be grateful to my
Heavenly Father for first of all, planting the DESIRE to serve in my
heart, and second of all, for letting me, even as imperfect as I am,
help serve and help his children. 

 I love you all, I'm excited to see you face to face or at least talk
to you soon. Thank you for your emails and support, you have all
individually helped me during a hard time on my mission by the things
you have said to me. 

Hermana Ruth Terrazas Regional indicator for SpainHeavy black heart️ 

Well, I'll be home on Friday. President just got off the phone with the man who schedules my tickets and I'm leaving Barcelona late Friday morning. Which means I should get in sometime in the afternoon. We've been staying at the Mission Home since Friday, it's fun. Weird that President has seen me in my pajamas and working out, I don't think most missionaries can say that, but that's okay. It has been really nice to spend this time with them.

 Hermana Reid leaves Wednesday until Friday I guess I'm in a tripanionship with President and Hermana Dayton? Haha weird....

I honestly don't have much to say, I'm excited to see you all....but it is so hard to leave. I feel like I'm really good at not thinking about it until I email and then I freak out. But that's okay. I hope I'll get to see you all soon sometime...and if not there's always Skype! But that's just quite not the same.

I love you all!

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